“My kids leave their stuff ALL OVER the house!! How do I get them to clean up after themselves?”
1. Set the foundation before expectation! Teach when things are going good. Begin with collaboration or sharing the control by giving LOTS of choices. Once the child has successfully mastered the task, correction can be implemented as needed.
For example: “Today we are going to play ‘pick up’. Let’s practice for 10 minutes and then have a treat! Would you rather start in your room or in the play room? Do you want to do the balls or trucks first? Should they go in bins or lined up neatly? Which makes it easier for you to put away? Ok! Now let’s mess it up and practice putting it away again! Who can guess how fast we can get it done? 5 min or 7 min? Do you want to put some music on?
For example: “Today we are going to play ‘pick up’. Let’s practice for 10 minutes and then have a treat! Would you rather start in your room or in the play room? Do you want to do the balls or trucks first? Should they go in bins or lined up neatly? Which makes it easier for you to put away? Ok! Now let’s mess it up and practice putting it away again! Who can guess how fast we can get it done? 5 min or 7 min? Do you want to put some music on?
(With older kids who have already been taught, you may just skip this step).
2. As a parent, I must model what I want to see in my child. I won’t be tempted to remind or nag and can teach them in the present time. I may ask myself – “Am I putting my things away in a timely manner without whining”, OR do I say something like,“Hey guys… come and help me with this stuff… do you think I like cleaning up by myself?”
For example: If I want to model cleaning up and putting things away as we go, I may talk about it out loud: “’I’m just going to wash these pans up now so it won’t be a big problem later.” OR “I’m putting my shoes away so I don’t forget where they are tomorrow when I need them.”
3. If you see their stuff on the floor or elsewhere, do the following
3. If you see their stuff on the floor or elsewhere, do the following
- Remain calm, smile, and then give them the responsibility to take care of the problem.
Here’s an example:
Parent: “Do you want to take your shoes upstairs now or in 2 minutes?”
Child: “2 minutes”
Parent: “Great!”
Parent: “Do you want to take your shoes upstairs now or in 2 minutes?”
Child: “2 minutes”
Parent: “Great!”
Note: there is no choice given about taking them upstairs, just when it will happen.
If the shoes are still there after the 2 minutes, say something like this –
Parent: “I see your shoes are still here… Oh buddy… what did I ask you to do?”
Child: “But… mom….”
Parent: “What did I ask you to do?” (Go into ‘broken record’ mode here)
If the child refuses, say: “So are you saying you won’t take them up like you said you would? Bummer or how sad (empathetic one-liner)…” Then the parent takes the shoes and puts them in their collection/buy-back box. (I collect stuff and they can buy it back).
If the shoes are still there after the 2 minutes, say something like this –
Parent: “I see your shoes are still here… Oh buddy… what did I ask you to do?”
Child: “But… mom….”
Parent: “What did I ask you to do?” (Go into ‘broken record’ mode here)
If the child refuses, say: “So are you saying you won’t take them up like you said you would? Bummer or how sad (empathetic one-liner)…” Then the parent takes the shoes and puts them in their collection/buy-back box. (I collect stuff and they can buy it back).
When they realize they need them, with a smile I can calmly say: “Oh…. I’m happy to let you have those back when you can pay me for the trouble I had to go to through to pick them up. And you can do that by ________ (doing an extra chore, or paying $$). Let me know which works for you.” (Remember, no sarcasm allowed!)
