Question of the Week
I have a 7 year old who is constantly debating and arguing…everything! How can I respond in a kind way (I’m tired of arguing) that will stop it from continuing? Even if I tell him I don’t want to discuss it or argue about it or debate about it, etc, he then debates or argues that point and pulls me back in. Help!
Use your favorite one liner, for example: “I know”; “ooohhhh”; “What did I say?”; “Nice try”; “I’m happy to talk with you when you’re voice is calm like mine” or “I love you too much to argue”.
Say one of those one liners with as much empathy as you can. If he continues to want to debate after you’ve said your one liner two times (and nothing else), then feel free to remove yourself from the situation. Walk away, put yourself in your room (lock the door if necessary), go sit in the car…. wherever you can find some peace and quiet.
For Example:
Child: “I want to go play now!”
Parent: “I’m happy to have you do that as soon as you finish your chores.”
Child: “But mom, he can only play for an hour. Why can’t I go now?”
Parent: “Oohhhhh……. What did I say?”
Child: “You’re sooo mean!!”
Parent: “Oohhhh…." (or a different one liner)
Child: “Come on mom!!!”
Parent walks away (saying nothing else: no “last-word-itis”)
*Remember- The most important thing is to have your heart right! It’s how you say it – not what you say. It needs to be genuine and authentic. And no sarcasm!
That will help you keep your cool and not get pulled into the argument. Later, when he (and definitely you) have calmed down, you can ask him: “Hey buddy, I noticed that you wanted to talk with me earlier, is now a good time?” You can stay in the conversation as long as it doesn’t turn into an argument. If he starts to argue again, start over with the one liners.
Have fun! If you have a question you would like answered, please email them to us at Natalie@kerimaughan.com
Use your favorite one liner, for example: “I know”; “ooohhhh”; “What did I say?”; “Nice try”; “I’m happy to talk with you when you’re voice is calm like mine” or “I love you too much to argue”.
Say one of those one liners with as much empathy as you can. If he continues to want to debate after you’ve said your one liner two times (and nothing else), then feel free to remove yourself from the situation. Walk away, put yourself in your room (lock the door if necessary), go sit in the car…. wherever you can find some peace and quiet.
For Example:
Child: “I want to go play now!”
Parent: “I’m happy to have you do that as soon as you finish your chores.”
Child: “But mom, he can only play for an hour. Why can’t I go now?”
Parent: “Oohhhhh……. What did I say?”
Child: “You’re sooo mean!!”
Parent: “Oohhhh…." (or a different one liner)
Child: “Come on mom!!!”
Parent walks away (saying nothing else: no “last-word-itis”)
*Remember- The most important thing is to have your heart right! It’s how you say it – not what you say. It needs to be genuine and authentic. And no sarcasm!
That will help you keep your cool and not get pulled into the argument. Later, when he (and definitely you) have calmed down, you can ask him: “Hey buddy, I noticed that you wanted to talk with me earlier, is now a good time?” You can stay in the conversation as long as it doesn’t turn into an argument. If he starts to argue again, start over with the one liners.
Have fun! If you have a question you would like answered, please email them to us at Natalie@kerimaughan.com
